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Love Letter

 

After so many years together, my partner and I are reaching a level of understanding and intimacy that I never dreamed possible. When people learn how long we’ve been together, they want to know “What’s your secret?” That’s a topic for a long story we would have to write together, but today I’d like to share a few thoughts.

Like any long-term relationship, we’ve “had our share of ups and downs”. Wonderful romantic moments, travels, joyous and rewarding times with our daughters, personal successes to celebrate together; and on the other side, times when we came very close to breaking up. Our bank of good feelings would become depleted with the stresses and strains of child-rearing, work, and our individual demons. At such times, relationships can easily become the scapegoat: “this marriage isn’t good for me”, or “if only he would change, he’s never going to change”.  But somehow, with some luck, some wisdom, some blessings from above, we have managed to keep going forward together. We’ve had some amazing help. Once in a while (on average about once a decade) we sought help in the form of counselors, books, workshops, or just taking time out together. This allowed us get back on track and continue our journey, usually at a higher level of understanding and intimacy. Whenever conflict arises, (and hooray for that: if there’s no conflict how much intellectual stimulation, fun and passion is left anyway?), at least one of us manages to take the high road. Here’s three tips I’d like to share about how that works for us.

  1. ACCEPT: Remember that you don’t always have to understand what’s gong on with him or her. They have their own sacred landscape, parts you have not yet been privileged to see. Your job is to accept and stay the course. As long as you feel safe and you have openings for communication, you can stay committed to the journey of living and growing together “till death doth you part”.
  2. WALK AWAY: When you are ready to react badly, saying or doing things you will regret, just walk away, but not too far away or for too long. Just take your leave, with a few words about your intention and find a place to yell, ruminate, call a friend, get a meal, pray, whatever you need to do to weather this particular storm. With luck and a few tools, it should pass within hours.
  3. COME BACK: Someone has to break the deadlock. It might as well be you. You can be the hero. You don’t know how it will go, so you want to have all that anger, frustration and self-righteousness drained away before approaching. Perhaps you need to make amends? Once you have found some humility a genuine desire to understand and be kind, remembering the goodness, the good times and the future you want together, then you are ready to approach. The reunion is a tender time to walk gently, reach out and listen.

My partner and I are so different we will likely always have occasional conflicts. I accept them as a gift, much preferred to denial and disconnection. This spring, we are attending a marriage retreat down in Washington that my guy has taken the lead on. I can’t help but fall in love with him over and over again.

We have learned that our differences are a strength in the partnership, that we don’t always have to agree or understand the other’s way of thinking or of doing something. That we can each go our own way for a while, take a breather from the closeness and then come back ready to go further, deeper, richer. To stay the course takes effort, and it’s been worth it! Oh, we were married in 1966.

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A Simple Resolution That Works

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Today when I turned the page of my well-used, hand-me-down desk calendar, the message hit home in the best way. I have more or less given up on that old tradition of making a list of New Years resolutions. It’s usually unrealistic and then when you don’t meet those expectations it’s too easy to “should” on ourselves and get discouraged. Too much criticism and not enough celebration!  Nevertheless I did have best intentions for a bracing walk around the bay — that’s before I saw the outdoor temperature of 22 degrees below zero! So that doesn’t mean I can’t get some exercise, right? “[just] move my body in some way or in some form… for 20 to 30 minutes…” I can do that. Thank you Dr. Northrup, your wise advise is never out-of-date.  So keep it simple sweetheart. Get moving and celebrate!

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Less Criticism More Celebration!

The following article,  written by my teacher and mentor Janet Amare for her December Inspirational Newsletter, truly spoke to me this holiday season. So with her permission it’s posted here for your inspiration.

THE IMPORTANCE OF CELEBRATING
I’ve been coaching, counselling, and helping people to heal for 35 years.  If there were any message I would want to share with all of the people I have ever helped is, “reduce the criticism and ramp up the celebration”.
Many people have been raised by parents and teachers who have focused on what is wrong with them.  And they have also learned to look for what is wrong.  Constant attention on what is wrong, or what needs to be done, or fixed, or improved can lead to a psyche and a nervous system that has no wiring for noticing what is great, and good, and complete.  It’s good to end each day, each week, each month and each year with a healthy assessment of the things you have accomplished, the projects you have completed, the moments you have loved, and the gifts you have to celebrate.
Because your nervous system has been wired to focus on what’s wrong you may need some help to balance yourself to be able to look for improvement in your life while still noticing and acknowledging everyday success, love, grace, and miracles.  Part of the key to being able to wholeheartedly celebrate is to develop your capacity to receive love and spot a miracle.
Here’s some tips:
1.  Take a moment each day and speak to yourself as if you are your own, precious child.  Tell yourself something that you like about yourself.  Be kind.
2. When you find yourself harping on about something that you haven’t done yet, or never get to, LET GO.  Just get quiet inside and ask yourself why you are neglecting your own desires in order to feed responsibility.  Are you really being responsible if you are not responding to your own heart?
3. Pick a time each day to celebrate the good stuff.  It can be a different time each day – It really doesn’t matter when.  What matters is that you remember to celebrate even if the “To Do List” is not all done.
4.  When you celebrate be patient, kind, loving, and passionate!  Say to yourself,”I ate a lunch today”, “I got out of bed, got dressed, and faced the day”, “I said Hello to the nice barista”, “I paid my hydro bill on time”.  Celebrate even the small stuff.  Just celebrate.
5. Notice the sky.  We have sunsets, even in cities, that are astounding.  Celebrate the beauty in Nature.
6. Think about all of the people around you each day that have contributed to everything you have and do.  Say, “Wow.  I got to work safely because there are people out there who run the hydro system, who keep the traffic lights going, who bring gas to the pumps, who maintain my vehicle, who own parking lots, who pave roads…”
7. Celebrate that you chose to have this life on Earth at a time when humanity is awakening, becoming more conscious, and opening to spiritual connection.  Even with all of the challenges we are facing there is hope that we can evolve.
By Janet Amare, Spiritual Maverick <janet@janetamare.com>
Thank You, Janet!
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“No More Presents!”

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Last Christmas, after the grandchildren had already opened a heap of gifts, the littlest one said “no more presents!” We all laughed of course and the kids went off to play before returning to open more things later.

It made me think about how the giving and receiving of Christmas presents has become a bit more challenging over the years. It’s become harder and harder to find the perfect gift for friends and family who are often able to buy anything they want for themselves. And if you ask what they would like and are given detailed specs for an item, you don’t have to put any personal thought into it and there is no surprise for the recipient. You may resort to Gift certificates or a cheque, but that can feel impersonal and monetary – not very satisfying or heart-warming. Sure it might have been easier back in the day with PJs and toboggans, homemade scarves and cookies, but I’m not going to do the “good ol’ days” song. Things are different, the world is a better place in so many ways and that’s what matters!  We can  keep up by being innovative and re-thinking what constitutes a gift. Some possibilities to consider:

  1. A coupon to go out together to a favourite restaurant, possibly combined with a gallery visit or window shopping.
  2. An invitation to go to a special event together – like a play or concert or sports event. For example, taking a granddaughter to a special musical show for her birthday has become a special tradition.
  3. An offer to provide a service that you are good at – like preparing their favourite meal and serving it up to a group of their friends, or making home repairs or doing alterations on clothes, or taking the children so their parents get a weekend to themselves.

What’s important is making time for one another. Take it from the children, who are so happy whenever we give them our undivided attention. For Christmas, birthdays or whatever the occasion, a gift of ourselves may be the best gift of all!

 

Hands together
Grief Recovery

The Power of The Group: Q & A

You may think that joining a grief recovery or bereavement support group may not be for you or you may be worried that it’s not the right time or place for you to participate with others in such a private journey. The truth is that everyone I know who has ever participated in a group program has only positive things to say about the experience. Comments like: ” I was anxious at first, but so glad I stayed”, ” It was so good to hear others talk … and realize I’m not alone”, “I finally found myself again”, ” I felt safe in the group and Lynne helped me feel comfortable sharing,” “I learned that my ‘crazy’s were normal, what a relief”, I’m using my coping tools and they work,” I didn’t realize how isolated I had been.” No regrets and so many benefits. At the same time, you probably have lots of questions so I’ll try and answer some of them…. Continue reading “The Power of The Group: Q & A”

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Two (2) places left for Spring course for Women

Reinventing: Six Weeks to a More Meaningful Life.

Are you feeling stuck in your business, your home, your relationships? Are you worried about or fed up with your retirement life? Boost your business, change your career, become more creative, find your life companion, or move to your paradise. You have the right to, and the responsibility for, a truly meaningful life. This 6-week experience is for women who are open to and eager for the next stage, the new chapter in their lives.

This course will consist of four day-long workshops, addressing the four key steps towards renewing and recreating yourself: I) Rediscovering who you are 2) Finding out what you really want, 3) Exploring pathways to attract and achieve what you want, and 4) Manifesting results through action and attraction! The course is spread over 6 weeks, with two-weeks between each day-long workshop to integrate and to receive individual coaching.

Schedule:            Fridays,  9.30 – 4.30 ,  May 6,  May 20,  June 3rd and June 17th.

Group size is limited to 8 women, which allows for customizing each day to more effectively meet your individual needs and goals – from a possible new vocation to finding more creativity, from enjoying meaningful volunteer work to shifting the quality of relating to others. You may wish to create a more active, busy lifestyle, or alternatively, let go of most of your obligations to focus on something dear to your heart. This is the time and place to make it happen!

The total cost for the course is $390, which includes all materials PLUS three half-hour phone coaching sessions ($150 bonus).

 

This course is built on my many years of professional experience as a training consultant, counselor/healer, and group facilitator; and more importantly on my own journey of personal survival, growth and reinventing myself.

It will include innovative applications of many experiential methods that will keep the work exciting and effective, as well as optional homework and individual coaching to keep you on the path between sessions. I will bring to it my boundless enthusiasm and heartfelt commitment.

Please give me a call or email if you feel this opportunity may be right for you.

Lynne

info@spaceforspirit.ca, 705-241-7464

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My Love Offering Discount

Three slots left for TLC for you!

Here’s a reminder about the $40% discount on all my one-on-one services: counselling, energy work, phone appointments and gift certificates. Available until February 15. Give me a call and see what you can choose for as little as $30. Blessings for warm loving light on this wintery week.

Lynne – 705-241-7464